As leaders, we're tasked with guiding our organizations to success. This often involves influencing behavior and driving performance. However, I've observed an alarming trend: the use of shame and blame as motivational tools. While these tactics may yield short-term compliance, they extract a heavy toll on our people and culture. Let me explain why this approach is misguided and what we should do instead.
Shame doesn't motivate; it paralyzes. When we publicly call out mistakes or use language that attacks someone's character, we trigger a threat response. This makes people less creative, less willing to take risks, and more likely to hide errors. Innovation and continuous improvement require psychological safety - the opposite of what shame creates.
Fault-finding ignores systemic issues. By zeroing in on individual blame, we often miss the larger context. Most failures result from a combination of factors, including processes, systems, and organizational dynamics. Fixating on personal culpability prevents us from addressing root causes and making meaningful improvements.
Shame erodes trust and damages relationships. Leaders who routinely shame or blame create an atmosphere of fear and resentment. This undermines collaboration, open communication, and the strong interpersonal bonds needed for high-performing teams.
So what's the alternative? Here are some key principles I strive to embody:
Focus on learning, not punishment. When issues arise, approach them with curiosity. Ask "What can we learn?" instead of "Who's to blame?"
Address behavior, not character. Provide specific, actionable feedback on actions rather than making sweeping judgments about a person's worth or intentions.
Model accountability. As leaders, we should be the first to admit our own mistakes and shortcomings. This creates psychological safety for others to do the same.
Emphasize solutions. Channel energy toward fixing problems and preventing recurrence, not rehashing who's at fault.
Recognize effort and progress. Celebrate incremental improvements to reinforce a growth mindset.
By rejecting shame-based tactics and embracing these principles, we create environments where people can thrive, innovate, and truly excel. It's not always easy, but it's essential for sustainable success and fulfilling our responsibilities as leaders.
I wrote this from the perspective of adult development, but now consider all of this and how it applies to student behavior. Too many adults look for fault in kids when it isn’t relevant or important. If you are relying on shame to shape the behavior of a child or teenager, you are destroying the relationship that could help you apply far more effective strategies.Â
What are your thoughts on this topic? I'd be interested to hear about your experiences and approaches.